There are times where I walk through life seemingly formulated, thinking I have figured out some parts of this road, and it makes me wonder if there is something more. I know indeed there is something more to this road, but I think we hardly every think in that perspective. It is like we have the answers in our hands, but yet we raise it in confusion. We tend to follow certain traits that will sustain that void inside of us, and we all have voids in our lives, yet those traits never satisfy. It’s like if that answer we hod onto is so simplistic yet so we respond as if we’re oblivious. We all know what’s valid. I don’t think we have much of a problem with that, it’s more of a reality issue. When it becomes authentic, that’s when the perspective of your road shifts and you see it in a way you never knew existed.

“The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing” - Psalm 145:14-16

“From tender years you took me for granted
(But still I deigned to wander through your lungs)
While You were sleeping soundly in your bed
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutter’s flung)

I Drew the poison from the summer’s sting
(And eased the fire out of your fevered skin)
I Moved in you and stirred your soul to sing
(And if you’d let me I would move again)

I’ve danced ‘tween sunlit stands of lover’s hair
(Helped formed the final words before you death)
I pitied you and piled your sails with air
(Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath)

And after all of this, I am amazed
That I am cursed far more than I am praised “

lyrics by Thrice

Life’s a blur sometimes. I have find myself many times easily buying into the “lifestyle”, as some like to call it, and tend to miss so many important things. It’s so easy to just go with the motions, go with what you feel, what you think is right, what your selfish ego tells you, and i find myself in the same boat lots of times. It’s not easy pushing against the current, so you end up settling for less. Like the saying goes, “if you can’t beat em, join em”, and sadly to say, i join em way too much. I find it challenging at times to believe in a God when at many times I don’t hear a thing from Him. It’s not cause “im in sin” or “i haven’t prayed enough”, it’s just that in the midst of my doubts and issues i end up relying on myself more than ever. I have become self-absorbent, obsessed with myself, worshiping myself, and this causes me to miss it. And the place i find peace is when i give up, surrender and lower all my weapons and kill my pride in saying, “ok it’s all on you now”. It’s where i’m not sure but i am sure, and i give it all away.

When I look at my life, most of the times I tend to look at my failures, my issues, my wrong doings etc. and I never really focus on what God has brought me through. A lot of times I tend to brush off the good things that I’ve done in my life and tend to throw the glory that belongs to God away, without realizing it. I always tell myself that I could do better, and this or that isn’t good enough. So it’s hard for me to accept compliments, and in doing so I throw them away not realizing that it’s not me that should receive the glory, it’s the one who’s made me, created me, changed me, saved me, redeemed me. I become so prideful that I’m never good enough when in reality it’s God who is the only one to be praised for all that He’s doing in my life, my neighbor’s life, the girl across the street: it’s because of His grace that I am able to live another life, to live a second chance.

A few weeks back I decided to dive into black & white mode, after seeing many inspirations online. One of the reasons why I love black & white is that colour seems to be secondary and value becomes dominant, and the contrast it gives each other. This one seemed to grab my attention the most because of the leave-less tree and it being winter it makes me anticipate the season even more. Avoiding the cliche, what this communicates to me is persistence and endurance that this tree has gone through. Every year the tree blooms in the spring time and is in Heaven during the summer. Come around the fall & winter, the tree looses it’s paradise, it’s brought back to square one. What amazes me is how it stands once again, summer after winter, spring after fall. Although this is just a tree, it still amazes me how we as humans can relate to nature. A desolate tree in the midst of cold and weary nights.

One of my projects that I am tackling these upcoming weeks is to capture a certain part of a neighborhood in Seattle, and to capture the beauty of it. This will be for a magazine spread and other people will also contribute their photos of their part of town. I chose Ballard just because I love the environment and culture in that suburb. So they assigned me the Fisherman’s Terminal.

I headed out to Fisherman’s Terminal the day before, which was one of the few times the sun came out, and went in and around the terminal. I took about a couple hundred photos before the storm came in. Was reasonably satisfied with them.

Then I returned today to see if I could get some better shots. To my surprise I found a few more that I did like. One of which is this one. Now from a first glance it may seem like “Gross!” but instantly when I saw this I thought If I could get a good shot/angle of this piece of dung, I can capture beauty and disgust as one. Thus making it one of my favorites.

This can go both ways, beauty meets disgust and disgust meets beauty. What do you think?

To you I cry, to you I long for.

To you I sing, to you I breathe.

Quench my thirst of love.

Defeat my inner being.

And construct a life of worship.

To create a beloved inside me.

To image the master in it’s masterpiece.

To captivate a hungry soul and quench it with fire.

To set a life ablaze, a life set sail.